A Mother's Anguish

By Angela Wittman

Perhaps you have heard it said that having an abortion doesn't prevent one from becoming a mother, it just makes her the mother of a dead child.  I recently came across the story of a young woman (Kelly Clinger) who has a history of aborting her pre-born babies and is now suffering the heartbreak and anguish that comes from a realization that what she did was wrong and irrevocable.  She has come to understand that her "abortion" was not just a termination of a pregnancy or the destruction of a blob of tissue or the removal of a clump of cells that had potential to be a human life, but the actual destruction of a tiny, living human being - her pre-born baby. 

Praise the Lord, Kelly Clinger has come to know the Lord Jesus Christ and I trust He will heal her broken heart and give her opportunity to speak on behalf of the pre-born and those who have bought into the lie that a woman has a right to kill her pre-born child.  But her grief and anguish is very real and something she will never completely forget.  Kelly writes:

It’s an uncomfortable subject…because if I call it a baby, if I admit that it was a boy or a girl who had 10 fingers and 10 toes and a life that was already mapped out by God, then I am calling myself a killer. If I talk about it, blog about it, pray about it, then that makes it real.

But just when I think I’ve pushed the memories far enough behind that they won’t catch up with me, there they are again.

The self-hatred is paralyzing. It lurks closely and tells me that I don’t deserve happiness. The guilt is suffocating. It has affected every relationship I have. I can’t trust or attempt intimacy.

If you are planning an abortion, please reconsider and be aware that the killing of your child will not lessen the distress you presently feel, but only increase it.  There are many organizations prepared to help women in crisis pregnancies, whether it be through adoption services, providing temporary housing, educational programs, medical care and needed baby items.  Most communities have a local pregnancy care/resource center that will help you regardless of your present financial situation.  Please give them a call and spare yourself the inevitable heartbreak and anguish of soul that abortion brings.

In closing, let these words of Kelly Clinger be impressed upon your heart:

So, I will be a voice for my children who only know heaven. I will be a voice for the millions of women who live in regret, guilt, self-hatred and fear of being “found out”. I will be painfully honest about every feeling I have, and I will stand up for life even when it’s unpopular and politically incorrect. So, please spare me your pro-life/pro-choice arguments. I know what I saw. I know how I feel. I will NEVER be the same. I will NEVER get over it.

And if I don’t take this pain and make it my purpose, I think it might kill me.

May the good Lord bless Kelly and other women who have suffered the grief "abortion" brings to a mother's heart and may they be used for His glory in the battle to save the lives of innocent children. Amen.

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Additional Resources:

"#ihadanabortion and i hate myself"
http://kellyclinger.wordpress.com/2010/11/13/ihadanabortion-and-i-hate-myself/

It's a Baby!
http://angelawittman.blogspot.com/2005/06/its-baby.html

Post Abortion Syndrome - A Silent Killer
http://angelawittman.blogspot.com/2008/01/post-abortion-syndrome-silent-killer.html

Abortion Regrets
http://www.abort73.com/testimony/

A Gospel that Can Handle Somebody Who Killed Her Child
http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=1121102245597